Monday 20 August 2012

The post that just IS

My boyfriend, my best friend, my love; he said it right, "well why change the habit of a lifetime of underachieving?"

It was in reference to the pass percentage I scored on my online TEFL course. I got a merit (that was between 80 and 85%) but I complained to him saying, "Oh, I didn't realise it was graded! ... I could have got a distinction." That was above 85%. And it should have been easy enough for me to do. But like all things I've ever committed to or studied, I got to a point where I was beyond caring about getting every little mark and just wanted to complete the damn thing. Get it done. Move on. Make a cup of tea. Next!

And that's what's dawned on me now, that I can feel like this... IN LIFE >>IN YOGA. I can sense this past the point of caring. And with that comes this depressing realisation of my underachievement.

Underachievement in my work,
underachievement in my relationships,
...underachievement on my yoga mat.

Maybe I'm being hard on myself. It a struggle not to succumb to the odd self-deprocating thought that creeps in...but part of me, the largest part of me *knows* it's actually true that I could (and maybe some people think I should) be achieving more. Doing more. Focussing my energy. Yet I see that's almost impossible amidst all the foggy confusion clouding my mind.

I'm grateful to my beau for saying these words (which he absolutely did not mean but rang totally true).  Because this means that I can move on from this feeling; now, with greater clarity and self-awareness I can begin to be proud of my achievements and the way I live. I may not be up to much on the surface of things but the the rippling activity of my days are full of joy and many lessons. Almost like I'm learning to live again.

Everyday I roll out my yoga mat; just like I wake and I practice life.

I'm not giving up or rushing or waiting for the end! 

Life, like yoga is without merit or distinction. You just do.

Friday 3 August 2012

From here to here

Life is a constant flux of learning.

Lessons.

Some, I've documented here. Most, I've felt and then become.

Life keeps moving.

I observe.

Moving from here to here.




"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller