I'm cycling into the darkness
Into a black abyss
I don't know what's ahead.
But I can sort of imagine what's down there
What's coming up.
I grip on, sit tight and give into the ride
I breathe deeply through the fear.
Up, down, up, down, round
Over twigs and cracks in the surface.
Two tiny red dots I can see in the distance
I'll follow those faithfully.
Tuesday 27 September 2011
Friday 16 September 2011
Getting on my nerves...
Fear. It's what holds us back. Fear says, "No." Fear puts it's hands around your throat and stops you from breathing. Fear wakes you up in the night. Fear fogs your vision.
Fear of death, fear of injury, fear of disease, fear of loneliness, fear for loved ones... fear of living. Fear is a NERVOUS feeling.
I read somewhere that Ashtanga yoga activates the sympathetic nervous system (maybe this was someone's opinion rather than fact. But isn't that always the case...I digress. It was stated).
The sympathetic nervous system responds to stress by making your heart beat faster, raising blood pressure, constricting blood flow, decreasing digestive activity and generally prepares the body for fight or flight. It's a basic/innate SURVIVAL response. I can think of times during my practice where my heart is racing... I can think of times when I have felt afraid too. Learning to trust my body and having faith in myself is a lifelong process. So maybe I agree with the statement that I read to an extent. Maybe, though, maybe Ashtanga yoga builds up strength and resistance to Fear. As you do experience it through practice you begin to overcome Fear daily. Then slowly, slowly, in life it becomes easier to overcome too...and slowly, slowly, you become more liberated. More at ease with the world and yourself as you are gradually unleashed from the grip of Fear. Suddenly, you can do that posture too! Suddenly, all is possible...well, ish with time, patience and persistence. With practice.
Conversely, the parasympathetic nervous system, known as the "rest and digest" system, nourishes, heals and restores the body - counteracting the stress response. I can certainly say that my yoga practice stimulates this system too. Since practicing second series, I think I have become much more calm actually...but perhaps this coincides with resigning from my job and there is a correlation there too! Perhaps it is just the length of time doing a continuous practice, rather than the different postures.
Perhaps Ashtanga yoga activates both sympathetic and para-sympathetic nervous systems then. Perhaps, as in life it's beneficial to experience a certain level of Fear for self-preservation but slowly, slowly, over time, Fear gives way to STRENGTH and FAITH: the para-sympathetic system becomes more dominant in the body. Hence, we become more resilient to any given situation that is thrown at us (on and off our yoga mat) and equanimity precedes.
Fear of death, fear of injury, fear of disease, fear of loneliness, fear for loved ones... fear of living. Fear is a NERVOUS feeling.
I read somewhere that Ashtanga yoga activates the sympathetic nervous system (maybe this was someone's opinion rather than fact. But isn't that always the case...I digress. It was stated).
The sympathetic nervous system responds to stress by making your heart beat faster, raising blood pressure, constricting blood flow, decreasing digestive activity and generally prepares the body for fight or flight. It's a basic/innate SURVIVAL response. I can think of times during my practice where my heart is racing... I can think of times when I have felt afraid too. Learning to trust my body and having faith in myself is a lifelong process. So maybe I agree with the statement that I read to an extent. Maybe, though, maybe Ashtanga yoga builds up strength and resistance to Fear. As you do experience it through practice you begin to overcome Fear daily. Then slowly, slowly, in life it becomes easier to overcome too...and slowly, slowly, you become more liberated. More at ease with the world and yourself as you are gradually unleashed from the grip of Fear. Suddenly, you can do that posture too! Suddenly, all is possible...well, ish with time, patience and persistence. With practice.
Conversely, the parasympathetic nervous system, known as the "rest and digest" system, nourishes, heals and restores the body - counteracting the stress response. I can certainly say that my yoga practice stimulates this system too. Since practicing second series, I think I have become much more calm actually...but perhaps this coincides with resigning from my job and there is a correlation there too! Perhaps it is just the length of time doing a continuous practice, rather than the different postures.
Perhaps Ashtanga yoga activates both sympathetic and para-sympathetic nervous systems then. Perhaps, as in life it's beneficial to experience a certain level of Fear for self-preservation but slowly, slowly, over time, Fear gives way to STRENGTH and FAITH: the para-sympathetic system becomes more dominant in the body. Hence, we become more resilient to any given situation that is thrown at us (on and off our yoga mat) and equanimity precedes.
Saturday 10 September 2011
Lemmings
I vaguely remember as a kid playing the computer game, Lemmings. An internet search just now has shown me that lemmings are actually a kind of rodent...well you learn something new everyday! Over the past couple of weeks I seem to have been reminded numerous times how fragile life is and how easily, just like lemmings we can fall to our death.
On the first day of the Sharath workshop we had to travel by car to arrive in good time...it being Sunday and trains not running as early as weekdays. It turned out we took a few wrong turnings (oops!) and we were held up at a motorcycle accident on the way. So, in the end, we arrived just on time...we arrived. I suppose I've seen car accidents from a distance before but for the first time I saw somebody who had somehow fallen from their motorbike and was now laying in the middle of the road as we drove painfully right past. Paramedics and the police surrounded the scene and we could only hope that the person was okay.
Then last week, walking down a busy road, my friend and I heard such an incredible and intrusive THUMP. We darted around to see that a car had just hit a man on his bicycle. The first thing that I saw was the bike in the road. I just knew what had happened. In that moment everything just seemed to stop and all I could say was, "Oh, God." We had just crossed the same road where the man had been hit and now he was on top of the shattered windscreen of the car. A police car must not have been far behind as it was seconds before they came. There was nothing we or anybody else could do. The man seemed to be moving at least.
Finally, have you seen the film One Day? I don't want to ruin the plot for people who've not seen the movie or read the novel but let's say that I was shocked by the storyline. It left me feeling quite sad actually. It left me feeling like we waste SO much time living badly (or not really living at all!) and we waste so much energy in disputes, worrying, being afraid, not saying how we truly feel, etc.
Out and about in the hustle and bustle of the city there are so many people, so many cars, trains, tubes, bikes, planes... There ARE accidents. Sometimes we collide, people are injured and killed. Sometimes technology fails us and something goes wrong and there is a disaster. Worse, sometimes fellow humans INTEND there to be disaster to destroy and disrupt us. Sometimes, it's no ones fault. And sometimes, it's no ones fault but our own. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard the announcement of a train disruption as being the fault of somebody UNDER the train or ON the line.
When I was 21 years old, I lost a close friend. She died after being hit by a taxi. I wasn't there at the time but some other friends were. I remember the phone call to tell me she was in intensive care and that it didn't look good. I just knew that there must have been something seriously wrong when I saw the missed call from this particular friend. I rang back straight away, walking home after my yoga class. I was numb, I didn't know what I felt. I remained numb until I saw her coffin at the funeral and I broke down in uncontrollable tears. Suddenly, it hit me what had happened. She had gone and wouldn't live anymore. Whilst my friends and I graduated, got jobs, lived our lives, she would not. Her life was frozen at 20. She wouldn't even turn 21. Two months later and my uncle died and at his funeral I had a similar emotional experience. I was a wreck, my heart still grieving my friend. I couldn't cope with another loss. Another shake from Death. Then in the following years there have been more. Each time, I seem to turn away. I know I shouldn't. It's part of life. Life equals Death. We are helpless. We are at the mercy of something greater -call that whatever. We are powerless. We don't have control of the joystick.
It reminds me to be even more grateful. Every siren, every bit of news, every story of loss are all reminders to be glad to be alive and healthy. Glad to have more chances. Glad to have opportunity. Glad to have the people I love in my life and glad that I am here to love them back.
In this way, Death teaches us. I'm glad of that too.
On the first day of the Sharath workshop we had to travel by car to arrive in good time...it being Sunday and trains not running as early as weekdays. It turned out we took a few wrong turnings (oops!) and we were held up at a motorcycle accident on the way. So, in the end, we arrived just on time...we arrived. I suppose I've seen car accidents from a distance before but for the first time I saw somebody who had somehow fallen from their motorbike and was now laying in the middle of the road as we drove painfully right past. Paramedics and the police surrounded the scene and we could only hope that the person was okay.
Then last week, walking down a busy road, my friend and I heard such an incredible and intrusive THUMP. We darted around to see that a car had just hit a man on his bicycle. The first thing that I saw was the bike in the road. I just knew what had happened. In that moment everything just seemed to stop and all I could say was, "Oh, God." We had just crossed the same road where the man had been hit and now he was on top of the shattered windscreen of the car. A police car must not have been far behind as it was seconds before they came. There was nothing we or anybody else could do. The man seemed to be moving at least.
Finally, have you seen the film One Day? I don't want to ruin the plot for people who've not seen the movie or read the novel but let's say that I was shocked by the storyline. It left me feeling quite sad actually. It left me feeling like we waste SO much time living badly (or not really living at all!) and we waste so much energy in disputes, worrying, being afraid, not saying how we truly feel, etc.
Out and about in the hustle and bustle of the city there are so many people, so many cars, trains, tubes, bikes, planes... There ARE accidents. Sometimes we collide, people are injured and killed. Sometimes technology fails us and something goes wrong and there is a disaster. Worse, sometimes fellow humans INTEND there to be disaster to destroy and disrupt us. Sometimes, it's no ones fault. And sometimes, it's no ones fault but our own. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard the announcement of a train disruption as being the fault of somebody UNDER the train or ON the line.
When I was 21 years old, I lost a close friend. She died after being hit by a taxi. I wasn't there at the time but some other friends were. I remember the phone call to tell me she was in intensive care and that it didn't look good. I just knew that there must have been something seriously wrong when I saw the missed call from this particular friend. I rang back straight away, walking home after my yoga class. I was numb, I didn't know what I felt. I remained numb until I saw her coffin at the funeral and I broke down in uncontrollable tears. Suddenly, it hit me what had happened. She had gone and wouldn't live anymore. Whilst my friends and I graduated, got jobs, lived our lives, she would not. Her life was frozen at 20. She wouldn't even turn 21. Two months later and my uncle died and at his funeral I had a similar emotional experience. I was a wreck, my heart still grieving my friend. I couldn't cope with another loss. Another shake from Death. Then in the following years there have been more. Each time, I seem to turn away. I know I shouldn't. It's part of life. Life equals Death. We are helpless. We are at the mercy of something greater -call that whatever. We are powerless. We don't have control of the joystick.
It reminds me to be even more grateful. Every siren, every bit of news, every story of loss are all reminders to be glad to be alive and healthy. Glad to have more chances. Glad to have opportunity. Glad to have the people I love in my life and glad that I am here to love them back.
In this way, Death teaches us. I'm glad of that too.
Thursday 8 September 2011
Have your cake and EAT IT
Banana dairy, egg, gluten, nut and wheat free sponge
You'll need TWO of these.
Oven: 190 degrees C or Fan 170
125g Sugar 6 tsp sunflower oil (I actually used olive oil!)
Approx 1bsp Vanilla extract
1/2 ripe banana (or 1 whole small banana)
150g Gluten free self raising flour (I used Doves Farm -where you may find this sponge recipe!)
Approx 4tbsp water 1tbsp oil
1. Lightly oil or use greaseproof paper to line a 18cm/7inch cake tin. I used liner!
2. In a bowl (or a pan!) beat together the sugar, oil and vanilla.
3. Peel and mash the banana into the mixture.
4. Add the flour and water and mix well.
5. Plop the mixture into your cake tin and smooth over the top.
6. Bake in a preheated oven for 35minutes.
7. Turn your cake out and leave to cool.
8. Start again and bake your second layer of sponge
9. Once the first cake is cool, it's ready to smother in vanilla buttercream.
10. Once the second cake is cool, it's ready to smother in date syrup
Vanilla buttercream
2oz Butter (I used goats butter)
4oz Whitworths icing sugar
Big splash of vanilla extract
1-2tbsp warm water
1. Cream the butter until soft
2. Gradually mix in the icing sugar
3. Add the water and vanilla extract
Date syrup
A LOT of dried dates
Some water
1. Finely chop the dates
2. Heat with water on low and mix until a jam consistency.
3. Leave to cool a bit before putting on cake
When both cakes are done, carefully put one on top of the other...dust with icing sugar and EAT!!
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