Attachment or Denial

It is my belief that my life (at least) is ABOUT the connections I make with people and the relationships I form. Some are short lived and some span for years. Some people, I know, will remain in my life for years to come, whilst others flutter in and out. The only permanent people seem to be my family which are not to be taken for granted either. I'm wondering then, is life about non-attachment or actually about the attachments. Looking around at my things, my clothes, my jewelry, my walls..EVERYTHING i'm attached to.

attachment |əˈtatʃm(ə)nt|noun1 an extra part or extension that is or can be attached to something toperform a particular function : the food processor comes with a blender attachment.• a computer file appended to an e-mail.2 the condition of being attached to something or someone, in particular• affection, fondness, or sympathy for someone or something : she felt a sentimental attachment to the place.• an affectionate relationship between two people : he formed an attachment with a young widow.3 the action of attaching something : the case has a loop for attachment to your belt.• legal seizure of property.ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense [arrest for contempt of court]): from Old French attachement, from atachier ‘fasten, fix’ (seeattach ).

That doesn't mean to say that I couldn't survive without anything I'm attached to. But they do make me feel a little bit more secure with myself somehow because in a way they make me ME. Rather sadly, my laptop is my most precious (and personal) material possession. But I could live without it, just like I could get by (quite happily!) without the people I care about. Nevertheless, they make my life better and reflect a part of me and I find connection and fundamentally, love in them.
So, to say that I'm not attached to people/things would be denial. But when someone has either been sharply removed, or has consciously left me (my life) then this makes me cautious of my emotions. Wanting to say how I feel but something stabbing at me saying not to because everything is temporary. Is it? What resounds is nothing really matters, attached or not. As Yoda said "train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose"... (though, I don't watch Sci-fi, this was robbed off a lovely and wise friend).

Mums and Knowing the Unknown

How is it that Mums can know everything about their offspring? My Mum is my bestest and worst friend in my life. She knows me inside out, eternally offers me advice and cares for me unconditionally..but she also reflects (and comments) on my mistakes/imperfections and I'm not always the person she wants me to be. I'll never be everything anybody wants me to be and I'll always be 'imperfect'.

I love all my family, they're a part of who I am and I appreciate that they helped me to grow as I have.

I look really tired in this picture (I am) and my Mum looks older than she should..

Relationships

The trickiest relationship is always going to be with yourself but sometimes it's the relationships with others that can bring you simmering down. Sometimes, I think quite pessimistically (or perhaps, realistically) that relationships revolve around motivation/psychology/games/escapism from the boredom of an otherwise uneventful, undramatic life. Therefore, do we create our own drama in the relationships we choose to embrace or do we even consciously choose these paths? Are we blindfolded on our quest for connection and unification with kindred spirits? Does it actually matter? There's no destination in relationships. Other than in the religious sacrament of marriage, a legally binding commitment between lovers, there's no contract between friends. Or is there? Does every relationship have unwritten terms and conditions of attachment with the inevitable small print stating that the terms are subject to change and moreover, that should the terms be breached then the contract may be terminated?

It really does depress me to think of people as completely driven by "what's in it for me?".

I suddenly feel like doing something entirely selfless...

The Yoga Place

I think the people I meet through yoga are the most welcoming. They are the people with the warmest, most genuine smiles and sparkliest eyes.

So if you want infinite beauty, get bendy.

Thanks to Mel (above), I've fallen in love with the shala which has also lead me to refine my search for permanent employment so that I can practice there more often. Also, Cary is an outstanding teacher..I've found new motivation/incentive/passion for Ashtanga.

London life is good and it feels like home for now :)

Everything I Ever Wanted

I have it.

Jennifer: 'A cornish name meaning 'white cheeked'. She is very independent with strong emotions and will do anything to reach her goals.'

Once I've decided that I want something I see it through and do it..

The most difficult thing is deciding what I really want as well as keeping those nearest and dearest relatively happy in the process. Often what I think I want leads to knowing what I don't want. Therefore, no decisions are ever 'wrong'.

The universe provides. My internal mantra.

Narcissism

Narcissism..looks like it has too many 's''s. But it doesn't. It has too many 'I''s ;)

I have an uneasy feeling about creating a blog which stems from my acceptance, my realization that my life revolves around ME and that I already talk about ME.. A LOT. I do enough of this without having a website dedicated to doing just so. But in order to justify my decision to make this blog..let me begin by saying IT WASN'T MY IDEA. There. All responsibility is shun. Perhaps, just perhaps, this blog will mean that I talk about myself a little less to my friends and family that offer their ear and I can use this place as an outlet to my thoughts, questions and wonderings..of which there are many.

Blog Love.

JMF

My first Blog

Okay, so I gave in, yoga peeps.

Here is my blog.

To be continued..when I have gathered some thoughts for y'all.