November was a tough month for several reasons. Some that I've talked about on here...some that I've not. What I want to refrain from writing is that I have been really really down. I think I hit the all time low in Carlisle after graduating. My body was frozen to the core and it was all a bit much for me. The ending. The beginning. The not knowing. The (then) emptiness.
So I suppose I have been in a retreat mode.
Thankfully, I managed to get my arse out this weekend and enjoy myself catching up with friends. Drinking mulled wine and such. Lovely.
I have started a list of all the things I'm putting off doing (causing anxiety) and of all the next steps.
And I'm experimenting with a light lamp. Let's see if that helps cos honestly, I do feel a bit SAD.
Aww Jen, bless you. Sending you a big hug, sorry I missed you this weekend. It is so cold!
ReplyDeleteSo much is going on for you right now, I suspect this is just part of the vast changing process your going through but then I do not know everything that's happening. Change can be hard but I suspect it will be worth it.
Glad you had a great time with some friends, hope the lamp helps, glad you made that list, great idea. A thousand mile journey starts with a single step. Don't be so hard on yourself. Hugs H.
Everything is changing ALL the time though. I can be THE most positive person for everyone else except myself sometimes... But yarr, perhaps i do put pressure on myself too. I just wana be the best i can be!
ReplyDeleteWhen are you down next? Sorry i missed you too x
Everything is always changing, that is the way that it is. You can only go half way into the darkest tunnel before you are coming out the other side, not sure who said that but they were right.
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you want to be the best that you can be. But aren't you already at least for right now. Do your best in all that you do and then surrender. There will always be more you can do and there are only so many hours in a day. You have to enjoy right now because that's the only thing we experience.
I am in London next weekend and the week after, it's a moon day Sunday though. So maybe the week after next, the 12th?
Boo, I have to miss the 12th, covering my old class that day. Sorry I missed you this weekend too Helen, just needed an alone day!
ReplyDeletePoor Jen, I hope you woke up feeling better today! It's 8am and I'm skipping practice in favour of Saturday myself, giving the wrist a rest... I think my SAD lamp's helping?? I haven't had a nap since I got it! When things get overwhelming for me (like, ALL the time), I always remind myself that it has been so before and I've always survived. Obviously I AM capable of running my life, otherwise I wouldn't be here! :) :) x x
Hey Helen, I love "You can only go half way into the darkest tunnel before you are coming out the other side."
ReplyDeleteYou're right to remind me to enjoy NOW as well.
I think I'm free on the 12th! I left my diary at school on Monday...yesterday school was closed and today is Day 2 of being in bed after picking up a sickness bug.
Yeah, I think I'm doing okay too Susan. Hell yes, things could be A LOT worse (PERSPECTIVE!!).
I'm better today. The sickness bug totally knocked me for six! Slept loads and I'm just rehydrating now but feeling stronger. November was a tough month! I'm making a new start for December! xxx