Lost

Over a year walking the streets of London and I'm still as lost as ever. I only really know the places I always go, the routes I always take, the way I always choose.

Nearly 26 years into my life and I'm still as lost as ever. I only really know what I've done, the things I always do, what I always choose.

Nearly 26 years into my life, I can see the mistakes I've made, my wrong turnings and yet, I still make them now. I can't help it.

Nearly 26 years into my life, I get to where I wanted to go and wonder WHY AM I HERE? Why did I come so far, for this? I'm disappointed. I'm tired. I ache. I have no energy left. I am spent. Someone hold me.

I look in the mirror. It's the body I know. I know the shapes, it's all so familiar. I know these clothes, they've adorned me for years.

I know these songs. They still have the power to make me happy and sad. Time after time I come back to these sounds.

This familiarity is comforting.

I know where I am when it's familiar...but otherwise, I'm lost.