Everyone is in love

I've come to my favourite cafe to write. It's not my favourite because of the coffee/food/surroundings but because I love to come here alone. But this chocolate chip shortcake is pretty amazing too.

Armed with a book and a pen, I'm just like everybody else; invisible. Well, not quite unnoticed; I'm mentally observing and writing everyone around me glance by glance. My mind makes sense of why they're here, what they're doing and maybe even, what they make of me.

It's the first day of my half-term break.

I feel tired...but good. I feel, you know, very content.

On reflection, I've achieved a lot these seven weeks of school. I'm pleased with work and I'm pleased with life...and practice. I am happy. I am content. I'm enjoying it all and taking it all in, appreciating moment by moment.

Nevertheless, it's innately natural to want to keep moving forward and to think about the future. And first comes building that future in my head.

Bizarrely, on more than one occasion this week I've been asked if I want my own children. In fact, the question from the shop assistant was, "Do you have your own children?" Which, begs the question how old did she think I was?! My reply was a hasty, "No," followed by, "but I would like to." This admittance was after discussing the exact same thing with my yoga teacher earlier in the week (who is pregnant with her second baby by the way). Ever since I was old enough to take care of one, I've loved children and entertaining them. Granted it took me a while in my adult-life to discover that this would become my vocation.

I bounced back the question to the girl as I tend to do with such personal requests for information. She said, "Yeah, of course," and continued to tell me how she was studying medicine and that having children was a big issue for female doctors, i.e., when it was a good time to start a family.

It's a huge thing for me to talk about...as with every woman there's no guarantee you will live happily ever after and be successful in love, marriage and babies. I accept that.

There is OF COURSE the very small detail that I don't even have a significant other in my life. Nor do I feel I could emotionally cope with that right now. Heck, I've pretty much never been in a real relationship to tell the truth.* After numerous flittering romances, I gave up the notion of a Walt Disney kind of love and instead, took a more cynical, scientific approach. LOVE = CHEMICAL. Hormonal. Temporary. Like eating ice-cream, delightful and more-ish but the sweet taste passes. Like every emotion dissipates, love does.

Crucially, I'm very unwilling to adjust my life for someone else. A potential boyfriend must be yoga friendly, undemanding of my time but very attentive, kind and loving. Not an easy find! The men I meet in clubs (when I do go out!) are too in love with escapism (music/booze/drugs) and the shala is not exactly an excellent meeting place either. It's a spiritual place. As my friend would so elegantly say, "one should not shit where they eat."

So, I'm afraid this is my position.

25 and in love with a dream.

The End.

* As honest as my blog has the courage to be.