Sharath this week

What did I learn?

1. I have an overwhelming desire to practice in Mysore
2. There's nothing more SACRED than my friends/mat buddies/teachers and family for which, I'm so grateful
3. I can achieve more than I thought on my own -thanks to the support, guidance and LOVE from the above

And last but not least, something always worth remembering...

4. Asana is the foundation to a spiritual practice

Lost

Over a year walking the streets of London and I'm still as lost as ever. I only really know the places I always go, the routes I always take, the way I always choose.

Nearly 26 years into my life and I'm still as lost as ever. I only really know what I've done, the things I always do, what I always choose.

Nearly 26 years into my life, I can see the mistakes I've made, my wrong turnings and yet, I still make them now. I can't help it.

Nearly 26 years into my life, I get to where I wanted to go and wonder WHY AM I HERE? Why did I come so far, for this? I'm disappointed. I'm tired. I ache. I have no energy left. I am spent. Someone hold me.

I look in the mirror. It's the body I know. I know the shapes, it's all so familiar. I know these clothes, they've adorned me for years.

I know these songs. They still have the power to make me happy and sad. Time after time I come back to these sounds.

This familiarity is comforting.

I know where I am when it's familiar...but otherwise, I'm lost.

Sometimes Somethings

Sometimes in life it's easy to get frustrated with something when something doesn't happen the way or as quick as you think you'd like it to. To relate it to my yoga practice, Laghu Vajrasana IS A BITCH and I'm just not really getting the posture... I WILL, I'm sure...but it's taking time. Longer than I had anticipated. My thoughts this morning (kinda thinking about my WHOLE practice, not just Laghu) were, well, you know what everything IS perfect. GOT to keep that in mind. We have all these problems, fears, anxieties but if we just kept that simple thing in our heads then I reckon everyone could start feeling better about their lives. Me certainly.

Sometimes, some things take time. You have to build the strength. You have to be determined. You have to persevere. You have to laugh at yourself too. You have to REALLY want it and BELIEVE in yourself too.

Backwards and Forwards

Sometimes in life, I think you have to go backwards to go forwards. And sometimes, you have to go away to appreciate what you have when you come back.

My body is aching. I've had a short stint in Ibiza. It turned out to be a short stint away from my life and also practice. I had ALL good intentions to practice but in the end, I was caught up in rhythm of Ibiza vibes. I danced. I laughed. I drank (a little). I slept (TOO little).

All that after my Vipassana course...I feel like I need to do it again! Ibiza sucked some energy and I don't feel like I'm tingling all over on a natural high anymore that's for sure. I do feel the pressure of needing to sort my work situation out...at least, be earning money until I figure out something more long-term, if that day ever comes. I do feel FEAR and ever so slightly out of breath. I do feel like my body has metamorphosed into a baby elephant on her yoga mat! By that I mean, my practice is producing more unpleasurable sensations rather than pleasurable... It's that CHANGE thing again innit. Also, there's a lesson in not practicing when I should be...

So, back to life. Back to practice. Back to the drawing board with applications etc. Searching the internet and my mind(!).

I'm home. Back in London. Back riding the streets on my beloved Roma. Back to where I was before. I think I might love this. Even if sometimes it hurts. I'm finding pleasure in my pain. It makes sense to do that.