Self Doubt

Typical - no internet connection, so this post was written the old fashioned way with ink flowing from pen to paper. Often, the way I find easiest to write.

Since saying I felt stronger *TYPICAL* I've had a rocky week with me feeling most anxiety the night before an observation of my teaching. Hello self-doubt. And hello, the subject of this post. Why do we self-doubt? And I wonder, are women more susceptible to it? Most importantly, what can I do to stop believing in myself?! Readers...that one is for you to help me with please.

I've read (sooooo many times now) that believing is the key to receiving...and being able to give too. For example, with my career, it was only when I actually started believing that I could be a teacher that it actually happened. Only then could I start giving my energy to the children I care for. That's for them. For me, it got me out of an office I detested and out of a town that wore my soul down. The cost was 9 months of solitary confinement in Carlisle. Now, I'm working harder than I have ever in my life! At times, I feel more anxiety, more pressure and more frustration than ever too. Yoga and my lovely (spiritual) friends help to keep me grounded on a sunny path. Yes, I am blessed and this is the life I chose.

"The Universe provides."

However, there IS a teeny part of my brain that doubts that my most personal and private dreams will ever be fulfilled. A part that doubts that I'm the best person I can be, that I'm the best teacher I can be, that I give enough, that I will ever be loved like I want to be...that I'll EVER receive what i know doubtfully exists.