My teacher told me today that the only thing stopping me from touching my crown to the floor in Bujapidasana is FEAR.
True. I think perhaps five years ago (or less) I was a lot more fearless.. I am going to be more fearless. I think this sounds like a new mantra.
As well as this fear though, I think that there is resistance. Resistance to do more. Resistance to break the cycle. This is changing too! I discussed my right shoulder with my teacher and the pain from binding in Mari D..then just said "Right then, let's go for it." Noises of discomfort (of good pain apparently!) ensued. It has improved sooo much but then it's still bugging me. I might have to stop using my laptop to really rest the muscle....... EEK.
Okay, so practice was stiff and awkward yesterday and still a little stiff today but certainly better..and certainly more enjoyable. I'm bound to have 'good' and 'bad' days like everyone else. Even superhumans do..and I'm still human after all ;)
I think that I was resistant to go back to Bikram too. Although it was a positive first try, I wondered whether it had had a positive effect on me. In the words of my housemate, I was all "discombobulated."
But I did.
Controversially it was amazing!!!!!! The 105 degree Fahrenheit heat didn't even bother me today. I even faced another fear as I bared even more flesh to those mirrors and stripped down to my teeny tiny bra top! As I wrote about yesterday, something I could never have done in times gone and especially, in that room of body beautiful Bikram people.
I suppose I kinda like being spoken to by the teacher for the 90 minutes ..and the teacher's words today really resonated with me like my own yoga teacher's words did this morning. Let go to the posture. Let go in life. Don't strive for perfection, instead strive for excellence. She made this workout worthwhile.
I have since stumbled upon this quote:
"There is no way to happiness and peace. Happiness and peace is the way." - Buddha.
I suppose with regards to fear, I felt a lot safer knowing what postures were coming up.
The time flew by.
After my yoga stint I mooched on the Thames, read my book, watched, listened, observed, reflected.
I know the author of this does Bikram too so I feel like I can connect to her more now when she discusses her practice. I already connect to her greatly in her words on life.
Fear in Bhuja will go,its not far to the ground, take it slowly, if C says you can then you can, trust your teacher and yourself.
ReplyDeleteWe are more fearless when we are young, we don't think through the possible consequences of an action, as we get older I don't think we become fearful but we have more interest in self preservation.
Thanks for the link love, Jenroy! :) And congrats on embarking on a Bikram yoga journey. It's a hell of a trip, eh? But one that is well, well worth the sweat, the pain, the growth, and the hard work, I promise.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for reading! Look forward to catching up on more of your posts.
I think I could link EVERY blog you write, Hannah! You have a wonderful way of expressing how I feel! ;) Seriously, your blog is inspiring, comforting and REAL. Thank you for sharing your thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteI do LOVE Bikram, it has to be said. My monthly pass expires tomorrow though.. Also, I practice Ashtanga daily and I *think* I was over-doing it at one point by doing my morning practice and then skipping off to Bikram straight after..a whole week of that didn't serve my body well anyway. But as I'm back to work next week Bikram could only really be squeezed in at the weekends..
I must blog about this conundrum and other current conundrums.. This is life hey! ;)
Btw, I'm intrigued as to what your job is your yoga shala/centre? I'm sure I read that you were working there..